Guest Post From Storm Siren’s Mary Weber!
Today I’m very excited to have the author of Storm Siren, Mary Weber, on the blog instructing us on how to best become rulers of our own universe! I very much enjoyed Storm Siren, so I’m kind of jealous that Mary gets to rule a world with such cool magic, but hopefully she’ll be a benevolent dictator ;-).
So it’s come to my attention that ruling your own small universe is apparently now a thing?
Except, let’s be real – just because it’s a thing doesn’t mean everyone knows how to DO it, let alone do it like a rockstar. Ruling one’s own universe can be downright difficult – especially when first getting started.
Whiiiich is where I come in. Because, for whatever reason, once you’ve created a fantasy world for a book – random strangers approach you thinking you’re some type of expert on the subject. And if destroying worlds and crushing dreams makes one an expert, well then, yes, I guess I am.
And you can totally be an expert too. By using my five tried and true methods to “dominating your own small universe.” Like a boss.
Step 1: CHOOSE YOUR TITLE. Of course we all know this step is the most important. Because everyone who’s anyone even REMOTELY evil or ruler-like has a title. But the tricky part is picking wisely. One’s title conveys so much about a ruler – as can be seen with Mojo Jojo, Rita Repulsa, and President Snow. Or the more obvious Sauron and Vicky the Babysitter. In my own case, I went with the classic “Her Royal Hign-ess” because I believe it invokes awe among the minions. (Although…admittedly, the downside is that whenever someone says it there’s…uh…the slight chance it comes out sounding like “Her Royal Hign-(insert another word for donkey). Ahem.)
Step 2: COLLECT MINIONS. Honestly? This is where collecting a husband and having a few kids comes in handy. Also, assembling an array of stray unicorns and pets. (Never mind that you are the one to cook and feed and clean up after these cute humans and animals.) As of this date, I have one husband, three kids, one dog, two cats, three hens, two roosters (named Lord Voldemort and Draewulf), and a goat.
Here is a picture of my goat.
Step 3: GET A COSTUME. Your cute minions and jealous rivals are much more likely to take your small universe domination seriously if you’re regularly attired in fashion that says, “LOOK AT ME. I’M A SMALL UNIVERSE RULER.” Any type of costume will do, obviously – so long as it’s breathable, lightweight, and comfortable to wear while you’re giving orders, barbequing, or relaxing in your lair. You might consider trying a chic look such as this.
(small ruler in training)
Step 4: Okay ALSO? FIND A THEME SONG. This is an absolute must – and it helps if it’s an easily recognizable song. Particularly anything by a popular boy band as this type of music often tends to render your subjects helpless – either with affection or horror. HOWEVER, if the boy band thing is not an option, you can totally opt to write your own. Just make sure the lyrics rhyme with “world domination,” “pokemon,” or “Harry Styles.”
Step 5: LASTLY, BESTOW GIFTS ON YOUR SUBJECTS. While the grace of one’s glorious presence should be enough to make any adorable minion giddy, it’s an added extra to offer something of immediate benefit and will only serve to endear your subjects to you. So things like cupcakes, Joss Whedon movies, Princess Bride quotes, or Robert Downey Jr. pics are obvious choices.
Or, of course, a good book. ;0)
And there you have it. Five steps which will in no time allow you to develop and rule your own awesome universe. Like a slightly-evil-but-mostly-awesome boss.
AHEM. (AUTHOR’S NOTE): Okay, so before I go…I feel the need to confess to you guys that I began making notes to write this post on a plane ride to the ALA convention. I was busily tapping away on my iPod when the man sitting next to me started leaning in all close and weird-like. I peered up but he didn’t even blink at me. Just stared back and forth between me and the notes on my iPod. So, of course, I looked down at them. Annnnnd all they said was:
Collect minions – possibly by birthing children.
Get a costume.
Bestow gifts to endear children and minions to you.
I have no idea what that man thought, but he kept an eye on me the entire rest of the flight. All I can hope is that he learned something that would support his own rise to power. Ahem.
Thank you for having me, ANYA!!!!!!
No Mary, thank YOU! That was one of the most entertaining world domination posts I’ve had on the blog :D. Don’t forget to check out Storm Siren if you love epic fantasy!
© 2014, Anya. All rights reserved.